• I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
• I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
• I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
• I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
• I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
• It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
• Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
• I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
• I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
• It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
• Do I look like a people person?
• This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
• Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
• Oh I get it… like humour… but different.

SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) - The Brazilian government will distribute 25 million free condoms to promote safe sex during the country’s Carnival holidays, the Health Ministry said Monday.

The condoms, provided under the government’s acclaimed anti-AIDS program, will be given out at health clinics and in sites like public squares and dances.

“It’s that time of year when we boost distribution because of the increase in demand,” an official from the Health Ministry’s anti-AIDS program said.

Carnival kicks off across the nation on February 25, heralding several days of parades, parties, revelry and, for some people, sexual abandon. The Rio de Janeiro carnival is the best known worldwide but every big city has its own celebrations.

The Health Ministry said the purpose of the handout was to prevent the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Last year, it announced a plan to distribute more than 1 billion free condoms nationwide in 2006.

The Roman Catholic Church in Brazil — the world’s largest Catholic country — routinely denounces such programs as encouraging sex and contravening its stand against contraception.

More random stupidity gleaned from Yahoo News. -m

ORLANDO, Fla. - An alleged burglar was rescued Thursday after he got stuck overnight in the oven vent of the convenience store he was trying to rob, the fire department said.

Investigators said Lonnie Shields, 37, climbed into a small vent on the roof of the New City Mart at about 2 a.m. and wasn’t found until store employees arrived at about 8 a.m.

Shields, who faces charges of burglary of a structure, was treated at a nearby hospital and booked into Orange County Jail on $1,000 bond.

“He was banged up and crunched up and uncomfortable from being in that pipe for about six hours,” Orlando fire chief Greg Hoggatt said.
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